Keela's Diary

[Aerin, the half-elf priestess]

Tonight was truly tough for me to swallow. I love Beran so much, but there's so much darkness to him. We've been having relationship problems lately. Sometimes he loves me and other times he ignores me. Little did I know how twisted he truly was until tonight.

After the boss battle with the air elemental wizard, I took Beran to the town clinic and asked everyone to leave. We had the building all to ourselves. We turned out all the lights and I played my healing song to restore Midna's health. She awoke and felt relieved to be in pure darkness.

I told Beran the truth, that I felt worried about our relationship. He started explaining his behavior as if he had two different personalities, one kind and the other cruel. It didn't make sense to me until he allowed Midna and I to read his diary. It was thoughtful, deep, intelligent, clever, hard to understand, creepy, and violent all at the same time. After 30 minutes of reading, it all made sense...his dark side is constantly fighting him for dominance. Even his handwriting and thoughts in the diary changed every so often. I had never seen or heard of this behavior before.

I could have walked away, could have shunned him forever. Most people would have for sure. However, I feel a need to help him, a need to make things right. I've seen his good side, felt him close to my body and soul. When I touch his skin, his body grows tense at first, then softens a bit. He trusts me, but has trouble staying with me for too long. He's always antsy and trying to stay busy, as if he's afraid to be alone with his thoughts. His mind haunts him to the point where he can't relax nor feel happiness and peace.

What kind of person would I be if I didn't do my very best to help? If love isn't worth fighting for, then why live? I'll never give up on Beran; he deserves everything and more. He's the only person I ever want to be with, the only one worth sharing my life with. I don't care if he's a Twili or a shadow of a man; I'll make it work no matter what. I'll stay by his side forever.

With all my love and trust, I laid down next to Beran, wrapped my arms around him, and fell asleep upon his lap.

[Aerin, the half-elf priestess]

I have struggled forever with the choice of becoming a Half-Angel or Air Elemental. After long careful thought and discussions with friends, I decided to go Air Elemental. I have always dreamed of having pure freedom, flying everywhere and exploring the world. I want to become one with the sky and have no boundaries. I don't want to be tied down by religion and other beliefs that may be part of becoming a Half-Angel. I also don't want wings; they're a hindrance and a nuisance. I just want to bring peace to our world and move on with my life. I also love using magic to help others, and becoming an Air Elemental makes my magic even stronger. Hopefully my friends have made their decisions carefully; it's something you have to live with for the rest of your life.

[Aerin, the half-elf priestess]

After all careful consideration, I ended up transforming into a Half-Angel. It felt like the right thing to do after risking my life to save Charlotte from the Moblins. My heart and soul told me to help her at all costs, which is exactly what a Half-Angel would do. I think it was selfish of me to even think about becoming an Air Elemental. I can't stay in the back lines and watch my close friends die. I need to be nearby and willing to take a few hits for the team. Lastly, there's nothing more holy and heartfelt than being touched by divinity. I feel like a better person, a true hero, someone worthy of praise and love. When we saved the civilians of Valoo Village, they bowed to me as if I were a goddess. I felt honored and glorified, so I did a small dance and played music for them. I felt truly happy to be alive.

If I had transformed into an Air Elemental, I would have felt lost, isolated from the living. I couldn't imagine being made of air, not eating food, not drinking water, not breathing, and never needing to sleep. To love and understand people, you must see, hear, taste, smell, and touch the world as they do. I could have never done that as an elemental. I feel blessed and thankful that everything worked out as it did. I thank whatever god or goddess brought about this turn of events, and I hope to live up to your expectations.

[Aerin, the half-elf priestess]

It's hard to put my thoughts and emotions into words. I have a lot of mixed feelings about my relationship with Beran. I feel like he's ignoring me in many ways, but he stays with us no matter what happens. He recently died twice in battle! I'm surprised he didn't just leave. I guess he likes us more than I thought. However, when we finish our battles, he goes off on his own. He doesn't want to be with me in private anymore. It's almost as if he has no romantic interest in me at all...I just don't get it.

I feel as if we're meant to be together, but Beran doesn't make it easy. We are both extremely charismatic, but in completely different ways. I get along with everyone and help others while looking good. Beran annoys everyone, but also helps others and he's so damn beautiful that it's hard to stay annoyed with him. But it sucks when he ignores me. I almost feel like I have to rape him just to get some romance in our relationship. Yet I can't imagine being with anyone else because others don't look or feel the same to me.

Now that I'm a half-angel, people treat me with more respect and even bow to me like I'm a goddess. When people interact with me, they're often struck with awe, which is cool because I love the attention, but they treat me like I'm a higher being and not their equal. I can only be happy with someone who treats me as an equal, but Beran treats me like an average person and that's not okay. I want him to see me as special, but still equal to him, and that just isn't happening right now.

Last battle was rough for him. It almost made him look pathetic...dying twice isn't exactly heroic or inspiring to me. However, the fact that he kept trying was kind of charming and heartfelt.

I feel like I'm trying too hard to be happy with him. Maybe I just need to back off and give him space. Hopefully that'll work. Besides, we've got a long lifetime to figure it out. He's a Fey and I'm a Half-Angel; we both no longer age. We'll live forever so long as nobody finds a way to kill us off permanently.

At first, the idea of living forever kind of scared me. But I'm a happy person who's always looking for something new to do. I'm sure we'll find plenty of adventures and new forms of entertainment throughout our lives. That's why I feel like Beran is the only one for me. Most people I know will die one day, but Beran and I won't. That has to mean something right?

[Aerin, the half-elf priestess]

This may sound random and ridiculous, but Beran might be bisexual or gay. He's been avoiding me quite a bit lately and he's been hanging out with the Doctor instead. He's a new companion in our group who travels through time fixing problems. I do admit that he's quite the interesting man, but Beran hangs out with him way too much. He often drinks with the Doctor in his Tardis. Alcohol can lead to trouble, if you know what I mean.

Beran's ignored me so much lately that I don't even care anymore. I'll admit that it sucks to be ignored, but then again, we've got plenty of years in the future to explore and have fun together. I guess I can't expect him to be obsessed with me 24/7. And who knows, maybe I'll find someone else who's interesting too.

[Aerin, the half-elf priestess]

Beran disappeared off the face of the earth. He hasn't been around for quite a while now and it doesn't bother me at all. I've done so many great things, traveled through time, helped friends, family, even strangers. The world has so much to offer and yet people waste time worrying about trivial things. I don't want to be one of those people who misses out on adventure and opportunity. I want to continue exploring, learning, and growing forever. I don't need Beran; I can enjoy life with anyone who wants to join. There will always be new people and new quests to carry out. It's all about more doing and less worrying. This is my new year's resolution: to have fun and do my best with no regrets.